Just another journal entry...

Last Wed. July 20th I went back in to see my midwife. She checked me and said that I was still 80% thinned but dilated to a 3. She was leaving on vacation for over a week so she stripped my membranes to see if that would get things moving. It did, for about 4 hours, but nothing under 5 minutes apart for an hour. The very next day I went back in because if it didn't happen she said to come back and she would strip them again. This time she said I was dilated to a very stretchy 4, and still really thin. She stripped again, harder this time. I went home, an hour later started again with regular contractions but then again, they slowed down a few hours later, and then stopped when I went to bed. I then Friday morning called and left her a message to call me to see what to do next... she never returned my call (which is uncharacteristic of her). Leading me into a weekend of unknown... My low back labor and nerves running down my legs have been very painful. I never felt this way with the other boys and the unknown is killing me. Monday July 25th and still no baby, I called and made an appt with Dr. Robison the next day to see what if anything had changed. Tuesday afternoon I went in and he said I was still a 4 and he thought 75% thinned. Because I tested positive with group strep b I have to have the antibiotic for at least 4 hours before I delivery. Because I was at a 4 and so thin, and have had previous babies, he was really concerned if I would have enough time to get the full 4 hours in before delivery once my water broke, or my body went into labor. He was on call at the hospital that night, and just really on the fence as to induce me or not. He said he doesn't like to induce until you are at least 39 weeks and Tuesday I was 38 and 4 days. I started having contractions on my own while sitting in the waiting room, then after he checked me and told me to not wait to get straight into the hospital if I had any real labor signs I went home. On the way home I was having contractions 5 minutes apart... this continued for another 2.5 hours... I just kept going back and forth on what to do, call l&d, just go in, AH!! I was done making decisions and Britt wouldn't make them for me. Needless to say, I waited long enough that the contractions slowed down and eventually stopped when I went to bed.... After waking up and realizing if I would have went in I know that Dr. Robison wouldn't have sent me home, I was depressed! Britt's Grandma Briggs passed away wed. morning as well. Her funeral is Saturday and now I am more depressed cause I don't know when the baby is going to come. I have been having lots of cramping and sharp pains at night. This is just crazy, I never felt like this with either of the other boys, so I don't know if its because its a summer, subsequent baby, I am older, or what. But I can say this... not sure if I want to do this again!! Everyone says I will forget and want another, but time will tell, and my memory and these posts will quickly remind me ;)